Submit To Your Husband: Should Women Be Submissive?

Women needing to submit to their husbands has always been a hot topic. Recently, pro volleyball player, model and author Gabrielle Reece received a lot of criticism for claiming that women need to learn what it is to submit to their husbands. Gabrielle’s been married for 17 years and credited her success to the simple and old-fashioned tactic of submitting to her husband. I know, I know! Gasp! I realize it’s 2013 and women are very much so independent, but there’s a certain dynamic that needs to happen within a relationship between a man and a woman to make it strong. Not both people in the relationship need to be the head. Someone has to be the neck.

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#TeamBeautiful recently hosted an intimate conversation with “Love & Hip Hop” creator, Mona Scott-Young and she shared with the crowd why it’s so important for her to submit to her husband. In fact, Mona claimed her hubby taught her to surrender.

“It just means to understand that there’s someone else who can contribute to you and it’s ok to let go. It’s ok to trust and open yourself up and allow yourself to feel whatever that experience is, love, pain, happiness. Just allow yourself to go through that emotion. That, to me is submission.” Mona’s idea of submitting to your husband is an eye-opening one. Strong-willed women are quick to shun the idea of submission because it makes them feel like they’re giving up some of their power and that’s not true.

I’m actually in the midst of learning this lesson for myself. I am in no way married. Hell, I’m not even in a consistent or successful relationship. And while that may be by choice, I know that I’m flawed in the submissions department.

But that’s because I have the definition of submission screwed up. A man will always want to be a man and the man. In a relationship or marriage, if a wife is serving her man and her family, i.e. doing whatever her family needs to be happy, then the man can then be the man of the house. Reece says, “to truly be feminine means being soft, receptive, and –- look out, here it comes –- submissive. I think because women have the ability to set the tone, that the ultimate strength and showing real power, I believe, is creating that environment. I think it’s a sign of strength.’’ See, submission is strength! All these years, I’ve had it twisted!

I am an aggressive and assertive woman, and I have been told that I have a lot of masculine energy. So I know that I have an issue with submitting to a man because I cling on to the negative connotation of it. I’m also one of those common Black girls stories where I grew up without a father in my home. So I never got to see the dynamic of a father and mother leading the household. It was always my mother at the head of my upbringing.

However, she had my oldest brother when she was 19, so they are close in age. So I was always taught to revere him as a father figure. So anything he asked, I obliged. Anything he taught me, I clutched tight and formed my behavior around it. He was my father representative and my mother treated him as such. Their relationship taught me submission, but it also confused me about the act because I saw my mother submit to my brother.

While I regarded him as an authority, but I didn’t like the feeling of his word being the law. And by my rebellious teenage years, I made sure I always went against being agreeable or submissive. I was combative, always questioning and never accepting his beliefs as law.

This has manifested itself in my adult relationships. As I mentioned before, I am an aggressive woman with sprinkles of masculine energy. I’m a fist-pumping independent woman and many times within my relationships, men complain about how strong-willed I am. (Gotta love the sugar coating).

I’m so busy trying to assert my power, I forget that he has power all his own that he feels uncomfortable displaying because I’m going above his head. From always deciding on where we’re going to dinner to asking him politely as possible to change into something more presentable, I’m always trying to be “bossy.” And that, my friends is not how a lady should behave if she wants to truly be with and stay with a man.

So, yes, now I know–submission is the key to a happy and healthy relationship and that doesn’t mean that I’m giving up my power. It means that I am using my power for the good of the relationship and creating an environment where the relationship can survive without stress.

What do you think about submitting in a relationship or in marriage? Let’s chat on Twitter!